I picked up the pencil and immediately felt my thoughts depreciate. I haven’t written a thing. And my words are already temporary. What good are they if I can just go back and FIX anything I want with my erasure later?
I prefer the PEN! Life it’s not permanent. I have a few choice words that should be. Be brave! Unsheath your pen. Share your life in your words, every thought, fleeting moment, smell, taste, sight, sound and feeling. All that power. All that love.
I am a guy. A forty-two year old white guy. No. I’m not a cop. Just a guy. The shortest four letter word in the dictionary. Thick skinned and callous from years of work. But pierce me? Cut me deep? And it all pours out. That’s why I don’t have any tattoos? Because my ink, is on the inside.
And now I’m alone, in my bed, watching “The Break-up”. Thanks a lot Netflix. Laying here dulling this lazy pencil on a Saturday night. And my wife, sleeps in the guest room. Not that shooting up some Xbox would be better. Might be why I find myself here. I needed an intervention. We all do. Get away from your FIX. Life does not. Life doesn’t. Life will not autocorrect! I’m a bad speller. I don’t care. Don’t let the spelling ruin the message. Don’t let the mistake ruin your life.
So, what’s your FIX? Is it caffeine? Or being mean? Is it smoke? To tell a joke? Cocaine? Are you insane? Keep liquor handy? Maybe it’s candy? European sweets? Or savory meats? Fidget spinners? And takeout dinners? Is it a person? Or fun just searchin’? Maybe your kids? Taking highest bids? Fresh faces? lonely places? Is it your work? Being a jerk? Is it your phone? You aren’t alone. Going “live Facebook”? That selfie look? We love to boast. Avocado toast? Your Instagram? Poetry slam. Karate kicks? Drinks to mix? Is it being white? Or thinking you’re right? Is it PlayStation? Or masturbation? Petting hounds? Melodic sounds? Is it justice? Maybe lust is? Is it your wife? Pain and strife? The movie theatre? Do you hit and beat her? Or nightly news? Making sure YOU choose? Your indecision? Maybe religion? Your crucifix? Is it Netflix? Fuck Netflix. Fuck your FIX. Are we really all that broken?
I was her FIX once. No, once we fixed each other. But, now she says we are broken. She has been saying it for a while, but until she said “divorce” I wasn’t listening. I’m listening now. Please don’t walk away. We can FIX it!